Crack In The Box News Updates
Employee of the Month
Customer of the Month

Crack In The Box News Updates

2-1-00
Sorry about that last message, by the way. Anyway -- as of this morning, you can now reach us via www.crackinthebox.com! That's right, now your Crack comes calling with crap-loads of convenience.
Crack -- it's just a snort away.

1-1-00
its midnight. ive had a BIt to much...um.......to drink. yeah. weLL. anewAy. tHE SIT'S BAVCK UP. OH. WORA. I JST REALIZX DAT I'VE DOT DO CAPWS LOVK ON. opops. weoeoew@@!@!!!! whydo dey put the exglamation pont so cloas to the at symb ol. Weoeos! thiS isz mask -- imean mark =-- krueger, singing off!

5-13-98
Those Commie bastards! Apparently, some one with a grudge against the drug community changed the permissions on the site for a week or two. (Much as this fascist government changed the permissions on our lives when they outlawed crack.) But thanks to you devoted Crackpots, and our Crack Team of experts, we were alerted of their heinous act and reversed it. You can once again enjoy crack twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And rest assured -- we will follow through with legal action as soon as we can find a respectable cover operation.

4-20-98
Success! Thanks to the addictive nature of the human race, this web page has been visited over two thousand times in only its first month of operation, about 20% of those from Hollywood alone! We've said it before and we'll say it again: Thanks, junkies, you're swell!

4-10-98
We've added a banner page! Now anyone who wants can find all the great Crack In The Box animated ads in one place, ready to download. Link your site to ours, and you'll be halfway to being a full-fledged dealer! Check it out!

Old News

John-Paul Tyler "The Second" sold more crack than any other Crack In The Box employee this month, making this his third turn at the honor. How does he do it?

"Well, it's no big deal, really. I just find rich old ladies who are in constant pain, y'know? And I tell 'em it's their medicine and their son or whatever forgot to pay for it. Y'know, fork it over. Works every time a rich old lady in constant pain with a forgetful son walks by. Which is three times so far."

And there you have it.

		Marking the second month of the Customer of the Month award is customer #34987651, Ken "Krackbaby" Kuniyuki. (Never mind the initials.) Ken, a college TA, just bought the biggest shipment of crack on record, more than one human could possibly ever smoke on his own. When asked what he would do with the surplus, Ken would only say, "You killed Kenny! You bastard!" followed by maniacal laughter.
	Here's first month's winner, customer #84756923, Misha "The Mackerel" Syeed. Misha whored his gerbils for four rocks. Way to go, Misha! (The gerbils were last seen in the company of Richard Gere.)

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