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Perhaps you've heard the controversy on your evening news. Apparently, some of our customers have died due to using our product. While this did not cause Crack In The Box any loss in profit, we do want to assure you of our products' safety.
Crack is a processed form of cocaine, which is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. (Not the cocoa plant, the coca plant.) First off, let me assure you that we only use the highest quality household cleansers and homegrown coca leaves in preparing our crack. None of that store-brand crap. Only name-brand air fresheners and window cleaners for you, because you are the top priority. And before we make the crack, we make sure to use the cleaners to wash our filthy, dilapidated "production facilities" at least once a year, for your health.
Also, all our products are tested thoroughly by quality experts, such as myself, before they ever hit the streets. We wouldn't want our best customers to stop doing business with us, especially if it's forever. It's just not good business. We take great care to set our standards of production high.
For most people, however, the biggest worry is preparation. Not on our part, but on theirs -- to ensure your safety, a booklet is available upon request at any of our Crack In The Box locations. This booklet details all you need to know to prevent another unfortunate overdose.
I wanna get back to work, so until next time, remember...
"Where there's want, there's Crack In The Box."


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